Why I started this newsletter

An introduction to the Deconstruction Zone

The second most challenging and stressful point in my life was realizing there is no god.

As a conservative Christian, my entire life was built inside this worldview. My social network, education, career, and sense-making strategies all required a foundation on Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

Over my one year journey of “deconversion” and 7 years of revalidating, I studied science, philosophy, morality; I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before; and sought out the counsel of every religious leader and thinker I could find.

But once I had committed to seeking truth above tradition, all of these arguments I had once taken for irrefutable proof of the divine became painfully weak. In my mind, the evidence for God was about as compelling as the evidence for Santa Claus. And I was scared.

Scared on multiple levels.

First, there was the obvious fear, pain, and depression that comes with realizing this life is all we have. For a Christian, every time life gets hard, someone you know dies, or you have your own near-death experience, you find comfort in knowing a fair and just God has an afterlife planned out for you in paradise. It doesn’t matter what happens here, because a better life is to come.

But here’s what’s surprising. It was equally difficult realizing that I couldn’t speak openly and honestly about it with my closest friends and family members - the community I relied on for emotional and spiritual support.

After “testing the waters”, it became clear that opening up about atheism isn’t acceptable. Most Christians aren’t comfortable with unanswered questions or people who seem to be pursuing truth in a way that leads them away from the church.

I thought being Christian in a secular America was hard - until I became atheist in a Christian America.

I can’t blame Christians - because I did the same thing. When a few close friends told me they were struggling with faith, my investigative skills went to work seeking out the hidden sin or soured relationship leading them away from God. It never really crossed my mind that someone would leave religion in pursuit of truth. Faith is like a marriage and only ends if some psychological issue impedes the health of the relationship. Find and solve that issue, and the relationship is saved!

I believed (as I had been taught) giving up Christianity would result in my life falling apart. My marriage would be ruined, my job and finances would collapse, I would be drawn to all kinds of immoral acts I didn’t want to participate in, and I would never find peace, joy, or satisfaction in life.

But this isn’t true. Morally upstanding seekers of truth can (and often do) come to the conclusion there is no god.

And the good news? You can find just as much (if not more) peace, happiness, joy, and morality as a non-believer as you did as a Christian! So don’t despair. It’s a painful process to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, where your Christian worldview is no longer equipped with the tools to guide you and you don’t yet have new coping mechanisms developed; but you will come out the other side! There are plenty of tools to find happiness outside of religion. You just have to take time to learn them as you transition from the religious tools you are now leaving behind.

The purpose of this newsletter is twofold

First, it’s to honestly discuss the challenges, issues, and beliefs around religion (primarily Christianity). I share this in hopes of helping non-believers, questioning believers, and the faithful all of more honest discussions as we seek truth together.

Second, it’s to help new atheists or struggling believers discover that you can find true joy and peace beyond religion. It’s a painful journey for many - but joy exists on the other side!

While this is a very intense topic, I hope we’ll be able to have some fun and crack jokes (not too offensive) in the process.

Together, let’s seek to pursue truth over tradition, and courage over comfort. In the end, may we all be better off for it!